Hell yeah!

Well I don’t quite manage to see how awesome Singapore International Airport is do I? The transist flight from HK to SG got delayed and so they gave me a direct flight ticket to Sydney for free. Biggest ripoff I have seen in airport so far but I am the benefactor. I am arriving in Sydney a bit early though (6 sth). Well.. what the hell. This trip is gonna be fun! Look out Australia!

– written in the Hong Kong International Airport

screw you!

What a pretentious, self-absorbed, narcissistic son of a bitch!

Finally another journalist I would love to pay attention to

Lara Logan (born March 29, 1971) is a television and radio journalist and war correspondent. She is currently the Chief Foreign Correspondent for CBS News, filing reports for the CBS Evening News, 60 Minutes and the CBS Radio Network.

the beginning of a beginning

My journey to Australia will begin in slightly more than a week. I will keep my 2-month journey posted in wordpress. It is not the first time for me to go for such a journey but so far it will be the longest. Meanwhile I would like to share my views and purposes of such a long backpacking journey.

My idea of backpacking originated from more than just fun and joy. I take it as one of the personal quests of growth. No schooling of any kind can replace the values I learnt through an extensive interactions of people of different kinds from different cultures. These experiences help me understand the planet from a humanistic as well as a pragmatic perspective. They help me see the world through the lenses of other people that I would have never thought of myself if I chose to stay. That is both magnificent and intimidating. The world is more than about the annual percentage growth of GDP, the primte rate, and M&A deals done of each region.

I have to slowly discover myself and get rid of my hatred and fear. I have a chronic fear of many things. Fear of myself, failure, losing the race. I fear myself because I am afraid I may not ever be the kind of person that I want to be, and losing faith in myself drains the hope of my future. The fear is already controlling part of my life as I am sure the same fear would be controlling most of the people on earth. Procrastination, pessimism, are all products of my fear.

I am also tired of big cities. I believe in people are the products of their environment. And so the overpopulation, inadequate social safety net, detachment from the nature, a chronic lack of cultural establishments, racial diversity, and the concept of indiscriminate love due to the Confucius values are producing a weird herd of people. People are all too cynical and have built too big a wall between each other. Many people are literally living in a tiny sphere of theirs, justifying (or unaware of) their stupid and limited outlooks of life. It is all too easy to find a 20ish secretary for a director who treats others like trash, which means her entire foundation of social externality is built upon the petty power spilt from her senior in such a short career. OK I am not one of the corporate losers who rant about the secretary of their boss since I am still in college. I still think that’s really fucked up and I am sorry for their way of living their lives.

As such, I hope my journey can let me slowly understand what I am, and regain faith in humanity. Hell I think I am talking like Christopher in the “into the wild”. Well I am not ready to take such an escapist position on my life!

And finally I want to leave a mark in my life. I heard the story of “the Kindness of Strangers” yesterday. It was about a late 30s journalist who woke up one day thinking his life was completely flat and unremarkable. So he began a hitchhiking journey with no money all the way from San Francisco to CapeFear, North Carolina, which CapeFear is the metaphor for him to overcome his lifelong fear of leaving his comfort zone. I don’t want to be the same guy who regret his life in his middle age. Actually, I enjoy risk. I enjoy reaching out of my own comfort zone. I enjoy being on a journey full of unknowns, no matter if they are good or bad. I want to start doing it before it is too late.

http://www.amazon.ca/Kindness-Strangers-Mike-Mcintyre/dp/0425154556

So that’s it for my entry. Have a good day.

the Problem with Me

The problem with me is I don’t have a destination that I have a concrete, thought out plan that I can confidently follow. It is a terrible thing when you replace your question beginning with “when” with “if”. When will you get the job you like? If you can ever get the job you like? When will you be successful? If you can ever be successful? I always want to cheer myself up but there are so many things suggesting I may not be able to make it after all. My destination, my dream is not getting closer everyday. I hate to doubt myself but it’s hard not to do so. In other words, I am losing hope. And apparently hope is the thing I live on in this moment as a student, without a career, money, or anything.

Or am I just being a pussy? Or just not aggressive enough?

Trip, joker, job

Well have you ever experienced a really serious procrastination, when on one side you are telling yourself to get up and do something you have to finish for a long time, on the other side your body just doesn’t listen to you, for maybe, well, a few hours? I did. I guess the summer holiday has caused me to enter the hibernated state prematurely, and that’s why I must travel to get some fresh air.

So, ticket’s bought and I am ready to go. Look out Australia, mate! I will be going there for 2 whole months and I have no idea what I will do there… Well… I always think Couchsurfing will take care of me. I am feeling I may be too optimistic about everything. Seriously, i may die there..

Anyway, I will come up with a plan these days and if you have any suggestions, leave a comment and I will appreciate it.

Also, I have been quite obsessed with Batman lately. I have seen the trailers of Dark Knight and I thought it was good until I read this:

“The Killing Joke” is supposedly what Dark Knight is based upon. IMO the Joker in the comic seems a lot darker than the one appearing on screen, which is actually more comical. But since I haven’t seen the movie yet, I am not drawing any conclusions here regarding Heath Ledger’s performance. Based on the few minutes long trailers Heath’s version of Joker has a very high value of entertainment. I just hope it also matches the original in term of emotional depth. I hope Heath really did a hell of a job in his last film.

Last but not least, I really have to quit being a bum, start being productive, and get rid of my guilt.

Being, and staying competitive

It sucks my blood to stay competitive in the world right now. I really have no idea of what I will f**kin become considering my current trajectory. Here is an article about the distinction between working in the bulge brackets and boutiques. Quite mean but true.

The Boutique

By the cocktail bar at a friend’s pre-game on 58th and 8th

The tall, blond, athletic young man presented himself first. “Hi. I’m Prescott Moncrief,” he said, extending his hand with a well-practiced smile and MBA eye-lock, still debating whether he ought to have included his roman numeral (III) in his introduction.

“Sup man, I’m Todd,” responded the other, grabbing Prescott’s formally outstretched hand around the thumb, forcefully wringing it, and releasing it with a loud snap that only he had generated. Todd then used the same hand to clumsily tuck in the loose pieces of his non-slim-fit shirt into his slightly baggy, pleated trousers and unsuccessfully balanced a dip-cup in the other.

“So Todd, what do you do here in the city?” inquired Prescott, regaining comfort but still frazzled by the urban handshake. He couldn’t help but feel awkward as he shuffled his feet trying to dodge the stray dip-splitlets that might sully his new driving shoes.

“I work for a boutique investment bank,” responded Todd cockily, smirking and now pulling up his pants over his temporarily retreated beer-gut, illustrating that this was one of those hardcore New York male-anorexia and exercise weeks. He would be spilling out of pants next week no problem after this weekend’s depression-gorge.

“Oh I see.” replied Prescott as if the pieces had started to fall together. “I work in finance too. I work at Goldman Sachs,” replied Prescott, suppressing the urge to rip Todd’s to bits. He had just put together Todd’s life story:

Todd grew up in a wealthy family in upstate New York or Connecticut, went to a state school (Tufts/Northwestern included) or tier-two Ivy like Cornell or PENN where he was a 3.0-3.3 GPA econ major and borderline drug addict. Nearing graduation, he incessantly tried to interview with every bank on The Street, cold calling the ones that didn’t even respond to his pathetic resume, and then botched the few interviews he actually managed to get by forgetting the impact of goodwill on net income. Finally, dear daddy the saviour swooped in and landed Toddkins a position at aforementioned “boutique,” where he has since toiled obsequiously under the tutelage of has-been DLJ washouts.

Todd paused and collected himself. “Yeah, I mean, I just really wanted to be closer to the deals, you know. Get more exposure.”

“Yes, of course. Very understandable,” replied Prescott, feigning belief and interest. He told himself he was above mocking his feeble conversation partner, but he could not resist. “So, done any big mergers lately? I hear Joe’s Deli bought a liquor store in The Bronx.” Prescott snickered.

Todd instantaneously turned fire red. The chip on his shoulder was throbbing so hard it was actually starting to appear as a translucent mass. “F*ck you man. We just did a huge IPO of this trucking company in Ohio!” retorted Todd angrily, instantaneously realizing the idiocy of his statement. He muttered something, fumbling to recover, and then finally got out, “Well, I work really closely with our partners who have great connections in the industry!”

Prescott just shook his head in disbelief. Here was a perfectly good factory worker trying to live outside his “position.” What a shame. “Todd,” Prescott said calmly. “I’m going to refrain from further ruining your few hours away from the testosterone-driven madhouse you call work. Actually, I think I hear your out of date, boxy Blackberry going off right now. That’s your MD. I think he wants you to bring him another coffee. But keep ‘trucking,’ they might even promote you to Excel next month!” Prescott paused, allowing the gravity of his insight and the wittiness of his pun to sink into Todd’s soul. Then he smugly snickered again, basking in his pedigree.

“And I’m going to do you one more favor,” continued Prescott, unable to restrain himself. He reached into his pocket and removed his wallet. He flipped it open and grandiosely pulled out a fresh ivory business card with razor-sharp corners [hear: American Psycho sound effect]. The light shined regally off the aqua and white emblem. Holding it between his index and middle finger, Prescott concluded, “Here. Take this and put it in your wallet. Maybe then you’ll know what it’s like to work at a real bank. And maybe you’ll finally be able to pull a half-decent girl instead of that hog over there waiting for you.” And with that he flicked the card in Todd’s face and turned away sharply, masterfully slapping Todd in the face with the swooping sleeve of the sweater tied around his neck.

Todd could do nothing more than gape into the space Prescott had just occupied. Memories of mediocrity inundated and paralyzed him. Images of report card’s with B’s, mid 1300 SATs sheets, cute face but overweight girls, and trophy chests with only JV letters ricocheted off his mind’s eye and piled together in one big sub-par hunk. Then the logic hit him like a blow to the gut—he was mediocre and so boutique investment banks must be too. The one thing he had thought separated him from the schmoes actually just illustrated how schmoe he really was. He sunk to his knees and let his head and prematurely thinning hair fall into his hands. He was a joke.

*Moral: “Boutique” may be a “hip” sounding word, but remember: boutiques are cool in SoHo…not in Midtown.

source: http://www.leveragedsellout.com/2005/09/the-boutique

Obama vs. McCain

First off thank you for reading this since I don’t usually write about politics so please forgive me for being shallow and immature.

I have been a supporter of Obama since he strikes me as a new comer who doesn’t carry the “politics as usual” attitude. He seems competent, sincere, and able to do the right thing – the way he was the only candidate who opposed the gas tax break opposed to Clinton’s claims that economists are “elites” led me to think he is responsible and have a stance of his own. He has been remarkable in his past and he seems to have the right policies in mind – the economy and education. He also made the least mistakes and showed the least character flaws. The way Hilary stayed on the race knowing fully she has no chance with the constant lyings actually says her presidential bid is nothing more than her personal game. “Politics as usual” as you can say.

John McCain is an experienced politician but I don’t want him to win. He always seem deceiving to me. During the early Republican Debates, he was the guy who can answer a question without answering anything. I say that is deception. To me, a good politician and a leader should be able to give honest answers to people and not use those blatant deception tactics to trick unwitting souls. John McCain is just an old time politician with too many experiences, and too few inspiration. He is just another fear mongering crook who think of too many self interests to be the president.

Now let me list a few points that would be important in the coming election. They are just my personal opinions:

1) The running mate of Obama: Obama needs a Vice President who can help him fare better in his traditional weak spots such as working class whites and female whites. Hilary is a choice but many have speculated other candidates. And for Hilary, if she is not chosen it may be advantageous if Obama will lose so she can bid in 12 again.

2) The performance of Obama in Evangelicals: this is traditionally the stronghold of Republicans. However, since McCain doesn’t strike people as a religious type, he may lose large margin in this segment and change the political landscape.

3) The impression of McCain as George Bush’s third term: this guy’s policies are essentially the continuation of George Bush’s: low tax, national security, Iraq war… He doesn’t seem to be different from Bush and people are sick of bushies which made what America is today.

link

My summer plan – draft

God surely acts in a mysterious way. It seems that the more I crave entering the banking industry, the farther it is moving away from me. As my summer internship didn’t work out, it forces me to really act bold, try something new, and move out of my comfort zone.

Top priority – I need to buy the ticket for my backpacking journey. Venturing alone in a foreign country is the most exciting thing I can think of. With backpacking your future is full of unknowns. God I really love that feelings. I love it when you wake up you know you are going to have a special day. Actually I would rather think travel has been my greatest education so far. Anyway, travel is really my thing and this time, I will go to either Europe or Australia.

And then I guess I will have to set a deadline for my club. I have been thinking of a student open dialogue project since coming back from St Gallen. My college has done a remarkable job of wasting a large portion of my time studying shit and satisfying the bureaucracy. Nothing much has been learned there. But I guess I should bear some responsibilities because it was up to me to join the dual degree program. I need to study both business and engineering at the same time for four years, and not before the end of my freshman year I found out I made a mistake. I am really not one of those engineering type, as I can see from what I read immediately after my final exams. Yes, I borrowed books after my final like I hadn’t studied enough. Economics, policy analysis, finance, hedge fund, Immanuel Kant, Ayn Rand, etc.. I know I should have studied Economics, Political Science, Law, stuff like that. But hey, I am the product of what made what I am today and in high school, I thought this was the best for me. Besides, in Asia, especially in my city, choices are rather limited. So whose fault is it?

Anyway back to my club, I suppose it should function as a middleman to organize dialogue between business leaders and students. For example, I joined a work session discussing leverage buyout led by a past Mckinsey analyst. The host himself didn’t talk too much. The job was ours. We input all the ideas and he made the summary and corrections. Honestly that was an hour that I have learned the most in my life! And it also brought perspectives and speaking experience to me to this field of business. I surely hope I can make this happen in my own college and so the first I will do is to write a proposal and send it to my program director.

Third, that would be some learnings on my own. As you can see, my English sucks. To make thing worse, I have decided to restart my German. My plan is to go through the grammar once and immediately start reading real text. Being less academic and more pragmatic should save my ass this time.

And of course, party! There is one with couchsurfing gathering on 12th. I am in. Hope I can have fun this time!

why this blog?

The year is 2008. I managed to live for 22 years and am still alive. I set up this blog mainly to try to collect my thoughts. Normally I have millions of things going on in my mind but most of them come and go easily (Perhaps this comic can illustrates that much better than I can: http://xkcd.com/430/). Since I am still in my formative year (I hope so), and I am still trying to build my intellectual foundation, there is no better way than to regularly write about what’s passing in my mind. So here I am, and thanks for visiting the blog. And here is the comic in case you are such a lazy ass….